a gif of a twirling gerbil or hamsterA Field Guide to Spotting Cute Peoplea gif of a twirling gerbil or hamster

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dancing hamsters

If you suspect someone you know of cuteness, present this evidence to them and gauge their reaction.

Mannerisms of Cute People:

Cute people are known to make some or all of the following sounds: "Meep", "Weh", "Mrrff", and "hvbnmvdcvnmvbbkjbvdfgvhjbnn".

Cute people are also frequently known to deny their cuteness (thus necessitating this guide): a sure sign of cuteness is an indignant, huffy declaration of "I'm not cuuuuuuuuute!", especially in a squeaky voice.

Cute people are often passionate about a particular subject, and a certain light will enter their eyes when the subject is brought up, as they gush about it with adorable glee.

Physical Characteristics of Cute People:

Cute people are often (but not unilaterally) smol. Smolness is a potent indicator of cuteness, and must be taken into account when evaluating a potentially cute person. Note, however, that cute people can still be quite large if they possess some or all of the other mentioned traits here.

By contrast, large cuties are often known to have big, round, soft bellies, frequently in addition to an overall pear-shaped body type. Largeness may enhance cuteness when the subject's huggability is proportional to their size.

Cute people frequently have boopable snout shapes that are either round or boxy.

Diagnosing Cuteness

Should you possess any doubts as to whether someone is cute, apply the following diagnosis tests:

  1. As outlined above, calling a cute person cute is liable to prompt a denial response. Particularly cuteness-indicating responses are "roibgufovbnoiuroevfnooooooooo", "NOTCUTE", "A", or attempts to nip or bap your person.
  2. If the person in question is smol enough to be picked up, suddenly lift them off the ground and gague their reaction. A typical response plays out like this: an exclamation along the lines of "e e e eepheynoletmegoooooooooooooo!", followed by adorably futile struggling and wriggling.