A Field Guide to Spotting Cute People

If you suspect someone you know of cuteness, present this evidence to them and gauge their reaction.

Mannerisms of Cute People:

Cute people are known to make some or all of the following sounds: "Meep", "Weh", "Mrrff", "Mew", and "hvbnmvdcvnmvbbkjbvdfgvhjbnn".

Cute people are also frequently known to deny their cuteness (thus necessitating this guide): a sure sign of cuteness is an indignant, huffy declaration of "I'm not cuuuuuuuuute!", especially in a squeaky voice.

Cute people are often passionate about a particular subject, and a certain light will enter their eyes when the subject is brought up, as they gush about it with adorable glee.

Physical Characteristics of Cute People:

Cute people are often (but not unilaterally) smol. Smolness is a potent indicator of cuteness, and must be taken into account when evaluating a potentially cute person. Note, however, that cute people can still be quite large if they possess some or all of the other mentioned traits here.

By contrast, large cuties are often known to have big, round, soft bellies, frequently in addition to an overall pear-shaped body type. Largeness may enhance cuteness when the subject's huggability is proportional to their size.

Cuteness is not constrained by age; it doesn't matter if someone's older than you, even if they're well into their 40's or beyond. If they possess these characteristics, then they can still be cute. It's also just a lot funnier when you call them cute, too.

However, a muscular, chiseled build may also work for cuteness if the subject meets some or all of the following criteria, in addition to the mannerisms mentioned above:
• Shy
• Soft-spoken
• Prone to blushing
• Enjoys cuddling
• Will gladly carry friends around on their shoulders, should size difference permit

Cute people frequently have boopable snout shapes that are either round or boxy.

The following species are automatically cute:
• Kobolds
• Yoshies
• Koopas
• Orcas
• Dolphins/Porpoises
• Frogs
• Salamanders
• Sparkle- anything

Diagnosing Cuteness

Should you possess any doubts as to whether someone is cute, apply the following diagnosis tests:

1. As outlined above, calling a cute person cute is liable to prompt a denial response. Particularly cuteness-indicating responses are "roibgufovbnoiuroevfnooooooooo", "NOTCUTE", "A" "heresy", "I am na cutes", or attempts to nip or bap your person.
2. If the person in question is smol enough to be picked up, suddenly lift them off the ground and gauge their reaction. A typical response plays out like this: an exclamation along the lines of "e e e eepheynoletmegoooooooooooooo!", followed by adorably futile struggling and wriggling. Alternatively, they may giggle and declare "uppies!".

Treating Cuteness

Cuteness is best treated via application of affection, snuggles, smooches, pets, and general doting on and adoration.